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After my clients this week, a mom and I were chatting a the gym about our eight-year-old daughters. She had some concerns and in a nutshell asked the following question:
What can I do now be sure that my kids, my daughter in particular, does not have “food issues” like I do?
Wow, what a loaded question. And one that I know I can’t answer completely. However, let’s give it a go and surely you Fit Mommas can fill in the gaps.
Immediately when asked this, I thought of my own childhood. I have to be careful when I write this because I know my mother reads every post (Hi, Mom! Love you! :) As much greatness and glory that went into my upbringing, the whole food scene was often backward.
Reflecting back, I know it had something to do with two facts:
Nutrition science was just emerging 30+ years ago. A lot of information was wrong or murky at best.
My mother didn’t like spending time in the kitchen.
Basically, treats in any shape or form were rarely, if ever, purchased. If junk food ever did enter our house, it was promptly hidden in cupboards or under beds. Dessert never happened, unless you count green sugar-free Jello with pears.
I do remember, however, finding the expertly hidden single bag of chocolate chips that had been in our house all year and locking myself in my closet to eat the entire bag.
I also remember stealing and eating an entire container of Oreos by myself and denying that I had for years.
We never had ingredients to make cookies, not even white flour or even sugar (remember my mother didn’t like cooking or baking).
My parent’s method of teaching healthy eating habits was the withholding method, which in my case lead to frequent cases of binge eating. I have dealt with that for years, until I had an epiphany and realized no one was going to hide the treats from me anymore. I am the mom now! It was safe to eat just one and if I wanted another one tomorrow, doggone it! I’d have one!
There are many things we can do as parents to help our children develop healthy relationships with food:
1. Food is not inherently evil. YEA FOR FOOD! When eating in moderation, we pretty much can eat everything.
2. You are the mom, aka Food Cop. You decide what is purchased at the store (unless you are lucky like my sister and her husband likes to do that). Fill your refrigerator and pantry with tons of great, healthy food options. When they are hungry, they know they can find an apple, yogurt, or some other healthy snack.
3. Enjoy treats together. If my son had his way, dessert would be after every meal, 7 days a week. However, to his lament, we have treats regularly once a week for Family Night, Sunday dinner, and occasionally our grandpa will win and take them to Baskin Robbins. Of course, birthdays, holidays, have food traditions and we enjoy them all.
4. Cook and bake together. Baking together is a fun family time as well as eating the goods afterwards. I vowed when I got married that I would have ingredients to bake real chocolate chip cookies in my house at all times. I do own shortening. If you want, you can come and make cookies at my house at any given time -- however, prepare for some grubby little hands to eat most of them!
5. Keep the discussion on the table. With your daughters and sons, talk about healthy eating and food habits. If you notice that they are locking themselves up and downing entire bags of candy or boxes of Krispy Kremes, just talk about it. Don't let it become taboo.
6. Set the example. If your kids see you skipping meals, binge eating, talking excessively about being fat, purging -- chances are you are going to have a follower. It’s not working for you, is it? Don’t steer your child down that same, destructive road.
7. For heaven sakes, build up your child, no matter what shape or size they may be. My daughter is just becoming aware of the world’s pressure on her to be pretty, have a perfect smile, and a slim figure. I was just talking with the Doc this week about laying on the love towards this blossoming little one so she knows that she truly is beautiful in every way.
Now I’m not saying that I’m doing this right, just giving it my best shot. The jury is still out on my kids; I'm sure they'll let me know when I read their blog posts about me someday in the future :)
If you do suspect that your child or teen is struggling with some sort of eating disorder, there are many resources out there. First of all, meet with your doctor and get an action plan in place. There are also some good resources on the web. Here are a few I found:
WebMD
Healthy Place
Eating Disorders
Hey Fit Mommas, what do you think? What works in your home? How do teach your kids to develop a healthy relationship with food? Leave a comment!
12 comments:
One thing that I feel pretty strongly about: we all eat the same meal (i.e., I do not eat "diet food" even when I am trying to lose). I cannot handle making more than one meal and why should I? :) We also talk about how your body feels when you are full so you know when yo stop eating and try to enjoy treats after eating some fruits and veggies first (my 6 year old can often tell me how many fruits and veggies he has had that day)...We also talk about how "junk food" will not always fill you up and should not be what we turn to when we are actually hungry. just a few thoughts :)
I love the philosophy of positivity! I like to focus on eating MORE rather than eating LESS--what I'm GAINING, rather than what I'm LOSING. For instance, "I feel so good today! All those fruits and veggies are giving me energy!" "Wow, we've got a busy schedule today, we better give ourselves some good fuel today so we can get it all done!" I think when your kids hear you make these positive statements and you show them how food choices affect your daily life, not just what size you are, the lesson will be more likely to stick. Now mind you...I'm only the mother of a son at this point, and he eats what I put in front of him. But, this is what I would like to try when that time comes in the future.
We talk alot about eating healthy and that exercise is about making you strong - and that is important.
I grew up similar - my Mom NEVER had treats in the house and my Bro's and I would break into the food storage room and knock off peices of Carob... or we would suck on brown sugar. The difference was my mom did love to bake, and so did I. But it was mostly all very healthy!
My brothers and I all think that our sweet tooth's were worse because when it was around (at parties, my aunts houses, etc) we would BINGE... if it was a regular treat it wouldn't have been so bad.
That is what we do in our family - we have treats 1-2 nights a week, though even then on one of the nights they are more healthy than not - Fruit Smooothie w/ yogurt, Strawberries dipped in chocolate, Apples with caramel drizzled over them... I feel like my kids are ok with food - I just hope that they will have healthy body images.
My Mom always was dieting and saying she was fat (she wasn't) but now I have that same mentality... .I try to focus on healthy/strong for exercise instead of, "gross I am so fat"... I hope that that will help!
Really great perspectives.
I, too, don't run a fast food restaurant in my kitchen. They eat what I eat.
I love the idea of focusing on the positive! What will they gain by eating this healthy food?
hello--with FOUR daughters in my home--um YIKES!!!
from the BEGINNING i made a decision about the health of my family. when they were babies-we fed them ONLY veggies out of jar FIRST BEFORE THEY EVER HAD FRUIT-i believe to THIS day THAT is why ALL four my girls can and DO eat any veggie i put infront of them.
people are SHOCKED at all the veggies my kids happily eat--
we dont buy soda, chips, cookies, fruit snacks-THE WORST!, candy etc--we are purchasing yogurt, fruit, raisins, etc etc--
we ALSO ask the girls when they say "im hungry..." we ask "are you REALLY hungry or just bored?" .."ya im just bored" is 99% of the answer---so its HELPING your kids to RECOGNIZE if they are actually "hungry or just bored"--
we do a snack or two before dinner-so by 5pm-kitchen CLOSED till dinner time--no eating!!
we also spend a LOT of time focusing on other things besides food and their body type-like "wow you are such a good singer, or you are really good at listening to your friends or (my favorite)-dang girl YOU CAN TEXT LIKE NO OTHER!" just giving them something ELSE to focus on is a big one around here--
and lastly--EAT AS A FAMILY!!!! each night we sit as a family allllll six of us, dad is incharge of REMEMBERING who's turn it is to say prayer over the food, and we go around the table and each tell one thing that was bad about today, then one thing that was good about today-we also asked "did you help anyone today"-
sometimes we will tell them "you are in the special chair" so each of us tells that "special person" why we love them or what we adore about them--
can u tell dinner time is my favorite time!
Thanks for the great post and all the great comments. This is always a topic of discussion between my husband and I. We both struggled with food at a young age. We are trying to not let our kids go through the same thing. One thing I've been doing lately, is when they make a snack choice, and it's a healthy one, I highly praise them for that choice and we talk about all the things it will do for their body. They get so excited when I praise them for there choices. Most of the time, they ask me now if a certain food item is a healthy choice for them. It's fun to see them make good food decisions.
I have a son (7.5) and a daughter (4.5) and we talk alot of food, mainly because I love to cook and do so whenever I can. We've read stories about food & nutrition (The Berenstein Bears and Too Much Junk Food is a great one) and I explain that healthy food has vitamins and such that keep our bodies healthy and strong and that "junk food" doesn't have many nutrients. So they know the difference. I always liken our bodies to a machine - if we don't take care of it, it will break down. And for the snacky stuff that I DO buy, I try to make better choices: whole grain goldfish crackers, whole wheat pretzels, etc. I'm also VERY conscious to make it about being healthy and strong and not about appearance. They know that Mommy runs and goes to the gym to be healthy and to feel good, not because it's about being skinny or fat.
I've always referred to my mom as the Food Nazi, for she was VERY controlling about food. So naturally when I attained some freedom I gravitated towards the junk and subsequently gained a few pounds. I don't ever want them to feel deprived or like it's a control issue - I just try to instill in them the knowledge so that they can make good choices.
Growing up, the kitchen in my home was extremely controlled. 'Nuff said.
I am very laid back when it comes to the food in our home, and I think that makes a HUGE impact on how my kids eat, from what I have observed in our home compared to others' homes. Food is just food to my kids, not recreation. It's just not a big deal. However, I am a label reader, and have taught my kids to be label readers. They know what's okay and what's not okay to put in the shopping basket.
I stock the pantry and fridge with whole, healthy foods. But I also bake and have ice cream in the freezer and some treats in the pantry. We have regular meal and snack times, but the kids are welcome to eat whenever they want as long as they clean it up.
I think because we have always given them a healthy diet with a treat now and then, they make healthy food choices on their own. I rarely have to tell them they can't have something. Even when we have dessert, they usually have maybe 3-5 bites, and they are done. It makes me feel a bit proud to see them toss that piece of chocolate cake in the sink and run it down the garbage disposal!
I love this and I think you got it spot on!
I especially love #6... the second #6. :-)
It seems that mommas that are way into being fit and healthy might struggle with that one most. (just an observation)
Thanks for the blog!! It's inspiring me greatly!
When my oldest daughter was 2 she coined the phrase "I'm treaty". She wasn't hungry or thirsty! We do enjoy our treats.
We have a house full of girls (5) and we DO want them to have a healthy relationship with food and so I have taught them about label reading and serving sizes. Occasionally we will compare healthy to not-so-healthy so that they can make great choices. Mostly though if one wants to have some chips or cookies I refer them to the serving size. They are shocked when it is 2 or 3 cookies not 5 or 6. This way I am not the food 'Nazi', they feel so empowered. Most food isn't bad, just some of our choices. My kids also know there is a fruit basket ready for the taking at any time.
My mom (a.k.a Kathy) said I needed to comment - it was a good and much needed post. I can forward it to people and they can read your words instead of listening to me :)
"Feeding Your Child With Love & Good Sense" by Ellen Satter, RD is an excellent book on this subject...highly recommend it :)
Megan! Thanks for the comment. I will definitely check out that book recommendation. I know this is your field, so I will be looking forward to checking it out. Thanks for reading! The Yuma friends just always seem to come full circle, don't they?
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