Sugar Smackdown

Then:

I was a full blown sugar addict.

My sugar source could have come from anywhere. I was completely nondiscriminatory: yogurt, graham crackers, ice cream, frosting, chocolate chips, fruit snacks. If it has some sort of sweet attached to it -- it went it in my mouth. I once found myself digging into the garbage can to get the dollar store chocolates I had thrown away the day before. I wiped the baby food and ketsup off them, and then popped them in my mouth.

Shameless.

I had no governor -- somewhere in all my binge eating years that mechanism broke.

I have no idea whose child this is or who he learned this atrocious behavior from.
WHO IS IS MOTHER?!?

Now:

Still a sugar addict.

But, the addiction is safely under wraps.

The lure of sugar is still mighty loud and powerful, however, I now can trust myself around the bite-sized Milky Ways, Tootsie Rolls, Twizzlers, and candy corns that have been everywhere lately.

What happened in between then and now?

I broke up with sugar.

After two pregnancies, I found that sugar had made it’s way back into my life. Sugar and I never had a relaxed, chummy relationship. It was more of a frenzied, manic type of affair. If I had one chocolate chip cookie, then you could bet that I’d eat a solid 15. If I had one bite of cookies n’ cream ice cream, it was a guaranteed I’d go back for at least 4 more scoops (I was just trying to get to the chunks, I swear!).

If I was in a room with sugar, the sugar won the face off every single time. I felt powerless against it.

I HATE THAT FEELING.

So I broke up with sugar. Cold turkey.

I decided, along with my SIL, to go completely off sugar for 4 months. Not a lick.  Not a crumb.  Not a sip.  Nada.

At first it was hard for a week or two, since eating sugary foods had somehow become akin to breathing. But, if you haven’t noticed, I am very competitive. My opponent was sugar and I was going to body slam it lucha libre style.

On Thanksgiving day, exactly 4 months from the day I had broken up with sugar, I had some warm apple carmel pie and slightly melted vanilla ice cream.

And it was ... a supreme letdown.

I had anticipated that treat for so long and built it up so high, that eating it for that brief moment was completely deflating.  Yes, still delicious and made my taste buds do back flips, but very short lived. After not eating it for so long, I found it made me ill very easily.  I could no longer eat the huge amounts of sugar that I once had. Gone were the days of eating a gallon of ice cream in one sitting or eating 3 bowls of Lucky Charms in a row.

I won. Smackdown style.

At that point, I had to decide what to do.  Go back on sugar full steam ahead?  Keep a safe distance from sugar?

I took some time to analyze the level of confidence I had in myself when confronted with sugar.  I had no desire to do the roller coaster thing.  I recognized at that point I still was not 100% trustworthy, so I made a deal with myself:

I was 100% sugar free unless it was a major day.

 I specified the days:  

Thanksgiving

Christmas

My birthday

Mother's Day

Valentines day.  

That was it.  Five days a year I could eat sugar. Nothing else.  

I lived like this for 2 1/2 years (until I got pregnant again).  I was sugar free, then ate the crap on the holidays -- usually eat too much of it, got really sick for a few days, then start again.

I can't say it was the best plan nor can I recommend it, especially the bingeing and getting ill (Ugh. Those were looooong nights.).

But I can say that somehow, it helped get me get one up on sugar.

Fast forward years later to post baby #3.  I had to decide again what to do.  Back to the sugar free and eating whatever on holidays?  Or be attempt being a normal person?

I took a crack at normalcy.  Normal meaning, eat healthy all the time, and indulging on a small dessert once or sometimes twice a week.  I tested myself cautiously -- would I end up eating sugar every day again?  Would it start sneaking in a handful of chocolate chips here?  A few M&M’s there?

It didn't and I haven’t.  I tend to think after living sugar free for those years helped me find the self control and TRUST that I lacked before.  I now can have ice cream in the freezer and not touch it.  I don't dive into the kid’s Halloween stash. I can have one piece of excellent chocolate cake and then walk away.

Like a normal, functioning person.  Go, figure.

Although I cannot wholeheartedly recommend my methods of getting there (it is definitely not for everyone), I can say I finally, FINALLY have the upper hand when faced with sugar.

And I discovered we control food.  It does not control us.

Ahhh -- I love that.

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